
A guide to personal pronouns
To help us remain an inclusive and welcoming organisation, we are focusing on education in the LGBTQIA+ space for our team. Weโve noticed confusion around personal pronouns so we’ve put together an introduction to help foster understanding.
Asย a supporter ofย the LGBTQIA+ community,ย Ferosย Care often celebrates events likeย Mardi Gras and marriage equality. In 2020ย the team created the Pride Support Network,ย where LGBTQIA+ people and allies come together to support and promote understanding more broadlyย acrossย Ferosย Care.
Toย help usย remain an inclusiveย and welcomingย organisation,ย a big focus is education. With that in mind, in 2021 our Pride Support Network created a toolkit to helpย usย understand, respect and celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community,ย andย to supplement our existing training.
Somethingย weโve noticed there is a lot of misunderstanding about isย the use of personalย pronouns โ why, when and how to respectfully use them. If youโre unsure yourself, hereโs some tips.
Understanding gender
Because pronouns areย generallyย gendered, itโsย helpfulย to understand some concepts around gender initially.
Transgender
Aย transgender person is a person who does not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. For instance, a person may haveย had their ‘sexโย listed as female when they were born, however they do not identify as beingย female.
Cisgender
Aย cisgender person is aย personย whoย identifies as the gender they were assignedย at birth. For instance,ย a personย may have had their โsexโ listedย as male whenย theyย were born, andย theyย identify as a male.
Non-binary
Not everyone identifies strictly as male or female.ย Their gender identity might change at different times for instance. Some days they may identify as male, others female.ย They may describe themselves as genderfluid.
Personal pronouns
With an understanding ofย different gender identities, itย becomes clear howย personalย pronouns are an important, even integral part of a personโs identity.
Most people knowย the female and maleย personalย pronouns โ She/Her/Hers and He/Him/His.ย These pronouns generallyย fit with the identity of someone who is cisgender. Theyย can also fit with the identity of someone who is transgender.
HELPFUL HINT: DONโT ASSUME! Itโs best not to assume. Neither gender presentation (whether a person looks male or female) nor gender identity are an indication of someoneโs personalย pronouns.ย The only way to know is to ask.ย Weโll discuss respectful ways to ask about pronouns soon!ย
You may also be familiar with the use of the pronouns They/Them/Theirsย usedย in theย singular. These pronounsย may be comfortably used by people who identify as nonbinary. The pronouns donโt indicate gender.
HELPFUL HINT:ย IS GRAMMAR THAT IMPORTANT?ย Some people feelย oddย using they/them/theirs in the singular.ย True, its use in this way isnโt strictly grammatically correct.ย However, consider the discomfort of the person if their identity isnโt respected, and remember that language, too, evolves.ย
There areย also severalย relatively new pronouns that you may have seen come into use. These include:
Subject | Object | Pronoun | Pronunciation |
Ze | Hir | Hirs | Zhee/Here/Heres |
Ze | Zir | Zirs | Zhee/Zhere/Zheres |
Xy | Xem | Xyr | Zhee/Zhem/Zhere |
Again, these pronouns donโt indicate gender, and can help peopleย accuratelyย express their gender identity.ย
HELPFUL HINT: HONORIFICS. Did you know there is a non-gender specific honorific in use? Itโs Mx โ pronounced โmixโ or โmuxโ.ย This can replaceย Mr/Mrs/Miss/Master/Ms.ย
Now that we have a grasp on some of the important concepts around gender identity andย personalย pronouns, letโs look at some tips on how to apply these in everyday life.
Top tips for respective personal pronouns
Normaliseย pronouns
An easy way to get people thinking about pronouns is toย share yours.ย You can add them in your email signature, and in your social media bios. Even if you are a cisgender man or woman, and your pronouns are he/she, letting people know what they are helps others consider pronoun use, andย signals thatย you areย personalย pronoun friendly.
Ask
Ask everyone their pronouns โ not just people you thinkย may be non-binary or transgender. This may be a little out of your comfort zone, but itโs another step towardย normalisingย personalย pronoun respect.ย Use your discretion and ask privately where appropriate, depending on the circumstances.
Practice
The only way to get comfortableย with personal pronouns, particularly nonbinary pronouns, is to constantly use them. Practice, practice, practice.
Say sorry
Mistakes will happen. If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns,ย apologiseย and use their stated personal pronouns moving forwardย – the best apology is to not do it again!
Correct
You may hear someone use the incorrect pronouns of a mutual friend or colleague.ย Simply let them know what their pronouns are.
Non-binary greetings
Try to use non-gendered language when youโre greeting a group of people. You could say โfriendsโ, โteamโ or โfolksโ instead of โguysโ, โladiesโ or โgentsโ.
It’s personal
Get comfortable that there are no hard and fast rules around personal pronouns. What works for one person wonโt for another.
Resources
This is meant as an introduction to the subject of gender and personal pronouns, created toย foster understanding. We believeย itโs always best to talk with, and most importantly listen to, people in the LGBTIQA+ communityย to be a supportive ally. Below are some suggestions for further reading and listening.
LGBTA Wiki
Podcasts