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The road of recovery

A drawing of a woman. Her head is open at the top and there are words like go away, fuck and arg coming out. There is a small creature with a red, demonic face breaking out of her body.

This piece, to me, describes the many internal symptoms of dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD/EUPD) quiet subtype and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). Feeling like there is constantly two sides to me fighting against each other and being a walking contradiction. Being completely overwhelmed by all the memories of past and present and thoughts stemming from my core beliefs. Feeling completely numb inside to the point there is no life left within me. Dissociation overtakes, and the inside monster is able to come out and festers on my internal being. Even though, completely overwhelmed and could do with loving support I still don’t want to be a burden and bring those around me down so I push everyone away and self isolate even if my mind is exploding on the inside to the point I feel like my skull is going to crack open.
With the help of therapy and safe supports all these feelings have became a little easier to work through. So even though I still struggle, bit by bit and through safe and positive interactions I am able to open up more about my struggles and get the loving and caring support I need. The road of recovery, even though not an easy one, is so far a worthwhile one.